I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize