That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
