My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
