I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
