it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
