I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
