I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize