Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
