Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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