Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
