Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
