Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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