The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
