i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
