it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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