It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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