God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
