Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
