Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
