i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
