Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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