Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
