she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
