Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
