You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
