Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
