she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
