i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
