I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
