they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
