You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
