Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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