Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.