i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.