it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
