You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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