officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
