I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
