I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This show inspires me to have sex in space
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
