Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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