I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
