If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
