Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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