her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
