Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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