Porn is love you can see.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
