you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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