FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
