sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
