dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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