she woke up with a sticky ear
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
