In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need help removing her.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
