So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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