it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
