Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
