New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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