Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
