Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
