my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
