is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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