Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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