Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
