it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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