Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
