We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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