I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Two words: nipple clamps
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