I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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