if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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