I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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