Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
