her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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