Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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