But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
