just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
