I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
