Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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