He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
