What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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